I Am not a therapist, but I play one on this site.

I am putting myself through my own version of therapy…because I need it but am unwilling to do it in a traditional way. I am unable to submit to the idea of talking to a stranger about my deepest hidden shame, fear, regret, confusion and more. So here, I will deconstruct my life in small pieces, in what will likely be the least organized or linear manner possible.

All this in hopes to process, let go, then rebuild.

I’m currently unavailable for anything that requires my emotions, energy, time or attention.

Intent & Purpose

I am 100% life-licensed; trained & certified by life.

I completed zero formal education beyond high school. I jumped into a job back then, that I would end up spending 20 years with. I chose a career that required me to trade most of what I had, in exchange for an extremely comprehensive compensation package. I was thankful.

I’ve spent the grand majority of my life handling, guiding, supporting and giving to others. When I say I’m currently unavailable for anything that requires my emotions, energy, time or attention - I mean it. Allowing myself those things is how I will make this project successful.

A Bit About Me

This project will help Me HEAL or it won’t.

There is no way for me to know if this will work so I must make an authentic attempt. I do know that if I do nothing, everything stays the same. What I have going on right now is not what I want long term; it’s been long enough. I am absolutely ready for something fresh and new…lighter…free.

You will see different sections of blog collections at the top of the page. I will start where I can and just write! Maybe eventually each section will be a nice story laid out in a sensible manner…maybe it will remain the same adventurous shit-show it was as it happened. We shall see.

This is by far the most personal share I’ve experienced and it renders me vulnerable in a way that scares the absolute shit out of me.

The How

This undertaking is raw and real.

No part of this will be censored.

It is my life. My language. My memory. My reality.

It is bright, messy, embarassing, joyful, shameful, exciting, sad, violent, lighthearted and extraordinary.

This is the history I’ve created; thus it cannot be changed. It is what it is and it is what I’ve lived.

Oddly, as titled at the top, my life was easiest managed with the help of music for a long time. Recently, I have also found relatability in some TV. It feels weird, but we’ll go with it.

What will be changed for the sake of privacy are names and places. Because this massive task I am embarking on is not to become known…it is merely to become whole…a new and better me. All that I share will be true - but there is no guarantee it will be every piece of every single thing. Again, we’ll see.

Note To Readers

The Map

At the top of this page there are sections titled by pieces of my life, things that have either helped me process my shit or make it less difficult to try. Nothing wrong with some prompts to get it done. Each of these sections contain pieces of me. Click to read any and all. Writing and posting the blogs/stories/ journalings will be in no particular order. These are the therapy sessions.

Rest assured, this will be all over the place. I’m journaling, remembering and storytelling from the memory of back then and perspective of now; because clearly I’m now mature and intelligent. Only this time with pure honesty…out loud…because back then, there was no room for it.

Is there something you want to know? Something you want my perspective on? A hot topic you think my view on may be interesting or ridiculous? Let me know; I’ll answer as much as I can and I have opinions on nearly all things.

Sections Are Sessions